Dying Soul
by r3v0lv3r.l3
Summary: He is to die by her hand.


My chest heaved as ragged breaths struggled their way out of my dry mouth. Somewhere in the background I could hear a soft tune playing, the sort you hear at a romantic evening in a movie. The irony of the moment made a crazy chuckle bubble out of my dry throat. Reality came back to me, and a bleak expression settled onto my face as the edges of my lips pulled back into a grimace. A sickly feeling sank deep in my stomach and a knot sluggishly began to form in my gut. Every muscle and nerve in my body screamed for me to let go of the Nagant clasped between trembling hands, but my fingers remained obstinately clasped around the grip. The familiarity of soft leather handle was gone, replaced by hostile emptiness. My index finger rested on the far edge of the trigger guard, as if trying to get as far away from the trigger as it could. The barrel pressed resolutely on Elijah's temple, just halfway between the tip of his ear and the corner of his eye. His body was hunched over in pain and the only thing keeping him from crumpling to the floor like a bag of dirty clothes were the ropes that bound his wrists behind a metal pole. They were oozing with sickly, scarlet blood from the ropes being bound too tightly. I felt the almost insignificant vibration of the barrel dragging across his slick forehead gleaming with sweat as he slowly began to turn his head up to face mine. The barrel was now right in the middle of his two eyebrows, just above his nose. He had large black circles under his stunning dark sapphire eyes, but the life in them was unmistakable. I could see turmoil of emotions flashing across his piercing gaze: anger, fear, pain, and relief at seeing me alive. But the most prominent was the usual impatient look that he always wore. Even when he was at Death's front door, he looked into the future restlessly. Elijah... Such a strong soul. But in midst of his emotions, there was not a single drop of accusation or anger towards me. How could he be so quick to forgive? Everything that had happened to him, it was all because of me. I suppressed the urge to sink to the floor and sob into his shoulder in utter joy and remorse. So I did my best to transmit all my happiness at seeing him, but I couldn't hide the guilt and crushing sadness that prevailed. The guilt was so strong that I had to close my eyes and let it take over me for a few small seconds. When I opened my eyes again, I met his fervent was no word in the world that could possibly encompass the amount of shame and regret I felt for what I had done to him. We communicated in silence for a few fleeting moments. I felt a sticky, unpleasant warm breath run down the nape of my neck and down my spine. Rorgu's voice rasped into my ear, whispering chills down my spine, "We had a deal Rázila. Make sure you keep your word and I promise I'll keep mine". I nodded slowly, my neck stiff and tense, and my gaze drifted slowly back to Elijah's eyes, so full of life. Life that I was about to take. His lips started moving, but I could only make out a few words: "...get over...be okay...shoot...can". I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My finger slid over the trigger and I put pressure on it slowly. It was going to be okay, I wasn't going to shoot him, he was going to be okay, we would all be back home soon... A small gust of determination swept through me and I pulled the trigger to its fullest. I didn't hear the bang. I didn't hear anything. It seems that those milliseconds between pulling on the trigger and when it finally clicked turned into hours, days, weeks, months. What had I done? Flashes of Elijah's smiles and laughs came at me like bullets. With all the strength and will I had , I prayed , not really knowing to who or what, that he was still alive. I begged, implored for him to still be breathing. Guilt, anger, fear and horror ravaged me like a thunderstorm. Too afraid to open my eyes and see the truth before me, I felt cold tears pushing their way out of my closed eyelids and running down my face. I was a monster. I had killed my own brother.


End file.
